Is it safe to come out? I have been inside for a week. Everyone has. It’s been raining, hailing, and snowing, for 40 days and 40 nights. The worst storm in the history of Israel. Jerusalem got 24 inches of snow. All baseball activities canceled. Our fields are under water, or ice.
There is only one explanation for these extreme weather conditions. No, dear reader, faithful peasant, it is not what you’re thinking, clearly, it is not god’s punishment for reality TV, or so called “global warming”, no no no, it was me moving to Israel. Earth was not prepared for the energetic shift from West to East, and it threw our planet off its axis. Wind patterns changed, oceanic currents reversed, flowers sprouted on moon glaciers, continental plates liquified, birds flew confused overhead, crashing into one another, falling into lakes of bubbling sulfur.
I am sorry.
But, now, finally, the miracle of the universe is alive around us, and in us. The Earth rights itself. The sun is out, burning our dilated eyes as we emerge like zombies from solitary confinement, tortured, crazed, skinny, hands outstretched, blocking the light, feeling for sharp objects, hiding our unshaven faces and sunken cheeks.
Jerusalem will thaw. The fields will dry out. And, soon, here, and all around the world, it will be time to play ball. And we will be new again.